From my first encounter with the concept of Venus Day…
The first time I heard about the concept of a “day of Venus” was during my training with Tory Hyndman, where I was following a 50-hours-Ayurveda training in the context of my advanced yoga studies.
Tory revealed to us with love and passion that every day in Ayurveda was connected to a planet and that Friday was the day of Venus. Venus being the planet of love, music, and art, she said, was a great day to go out to listen to music with friends but also in the context of a relationship to dedicate this evening to nourishing the connection with our special one.
She added that in India, couples would ask their children to go to bed earlier, they will eat lighter and create time and space to connect in the way that felt appropriate to them.
…to my first experience of it…
I immediately felt for this tradition. Indeed at this time, I was just starting a relationship with the one that would become my husband later and we spontaneously created for each other every Friday or Saturday a deep moment of connection. This moment of connection took many different forms. It was about sharing something we love with each other and allowing us to surrender to this. So every other weekend, I didn’t know what was awaiting me during this date, and neither did my partner on the weekends when I organised it. This context of openness to discover and rediscover each other was deeply nourishing. To have the space and time to share what deeply nourishes you with the person you love is a gift. We went dancing, had dinner out, collected flowers in nature to create our own bouquets, went to explore the swamp in the early morning, and went to a Brazilian music festival, we created intimate explorations in our bedroom, we looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment in silence, we meditated, we practised yoga, we talked and listened to each other, we choose a philosophical subject to share about out, we played music… I am sure that those moments of deep nourishment, these micro-adventures have contributed a lot to creating the deep bond that connects us now and made us say “yes” to the wish to spend our full lives with each other.
Back at that time, it was not so clear to me that I was honouring an Ayurvedic tradition, these dates were spontaneous, but it was the first time in my life that I experienced both the freedom to offer many different date options and the surrender to follow my partner in any date possible. I didn’t love all the dates equally but that was not the point, the point was that through these moments we were experiencing and discovering each other through many different aspects and we were creating a recurrent qualitative time for our relationship to be nourished and to grow. Two aspects that can be found in the principle of Venus Day in Ayurveda.
As Omatje, the grandmother of my partner said with shiny eyes:
“At the beginning of the relationship you create the reserve of sweetness for the relationship, so better have a big jar!”
I believe that thanks to this tradition we indeed created a big reserve of sweetness that we can remember and that in more challenging moments makes us wish to go back to this sweetness which makes the relationship much more flowing. I also believe that this jar can be kept open and nourished during a full relationship, and I know Omatje did that as well… so that is the purpose of the Venus date and why we created our Venus Day booklet, to support couples to nourish their relationship from Day 1 to Day 1.009.944, through moments of happiness and connection as well as when experiencing disconnection, frustration and change, and during everything else in the middle.
My experience of Venus Day is a long-term relationship
I would be lying if I said that we have a proper Venus date every week. However, I can say that this tradition made us even more aware of the importance of creating qualitative moments regularly, every week, and whenever felt necessary. From this, we have created a little ritual that is also shared in the Venus Day booklet:
Every time we have an idea of something we wish to share with each other, we write it down on our dream list.
This can be a restaurant we want to try, an intimate practice we want to experience, a game we want to play, an album we want to listen to with candlelight, a nature expedition we want to do together... Then when the moment is there, or when we want to create the moment, which we do every weekend, we can pick one of the items on the list.
Another tradition we have created is to make a list of everything we wish to do on our own or together on a piece of A4 paper and to see what we want to share and what we want to do on our own. This creates so much visibility on where the other one is, and what his/her needs are… on the map we often put things such as cuddles, looking in your eyes, or laughing… They don’t need to be concrete things only!
Regularly we also celebrate Venus Day, by offering each other a special moment, a surprise for one of us, a moment of connection.
Why I believe everyone should have at least heard once about the concept of Venus Day
I believe these moments are a deep part of why I feel so happy in this relationship.
I have been for 15 years in a relationship before, I loved the person, but we both forgot to put the nourishment of our relationship as a fundamental and drifted apart from each other. It was a valuable lesson for me. Now the deep nourishment of my most intimate relationship is a priority in my heart and agenda.
I have shared this practice with my friends, and through our booklets with people that I don’t necessarily know, and the effects of this practice are beautiful to see, especially in challenging times such as after pregnancy, where the passage from two to three or four or more can create distance due to the lack of time and space of intimacy. Often couples tend to go for a big weekend on their own, once every three months, rather than creating a small moment every week.
Venus Day reminds us that regularity and simplicity in the nourishment of a relationship are more valuable than irregularity or complex plans.
Couples that I know that have tried this booklet and practice, have found new ways to connect and nourish their bonds. I think this booklet is an amazing tool to know and adapt to your needs, for the sweetness of your love to last in time, and through the different phases of a relationship.
Curious to try it out yourself?